Anger

The goal of stress and anger management is not difficult. Stress and Anger…Is there anything more required to destroy an individual? In an effort to destroy the opponent, you will destroy yourself! Anger is a mighty weapon of destruction! The potential of the trait known as anger is that it can instantly destroy all of your positive faculties. It ebbs within you along with stress and erupts out like a volcano! It is the tsunami of negative human emotions. It is beyond the control of the formidable dam. The human history, full of bloodshed is asking a crying question- how to make this world peaceful and beautiful? Eyes full of understanding, heart full of love and the life refusing conflicts- enough, that is enough! Turn the pages of history again. It is the angry Kings, the angry generals, the angry statesmen and politicians who caused the wars and planned the destruction of humanity! Most of the murders were committed in a fit of anger and stress! When you are overstressed, you lose sense of proportion, and anger overtakes you. You commit an action that you will regret for the rest of your life in a matter of seconds! Do you like an individual with an angry disposition? Never! Would you like to marry an overstressed angry boy? Boy, would you like to wed a stressed-out, irate woman? Well, I know the answer! Here is an intelligent saying: Temper is very valuable; do not lose it. Make a poster out of it, and display it in a prominent place in your office or at your home. Stress and anger management is not a difficult proposition to achieve, provided you have the will power to achieve it. Relax in a quiet area and look inside yourself. Analyze your personality. Note ‘to do’ and ‘not to do’ things- the ‘should have done’ and ‘should not have done’ things. That will be a good place to begin your effort to control your anger. Are you angry with me for daring to tell you something positively about getting angry? I hope you are not. But if you do not follow my humble submissions, I will definitely be angry with you! And you be only stressed! So, for once let me give you the taste of your own medicine!

Students across the country are gearing up for year-end exams and standardized tests, in addition to meeting class deadlines and heavy homework loads. Unfortunately, many students are preparing incorrectly for exam time as a result of increased pressure for good grades. More than 85% of students in a survey by The Princeton Review and Wrigley say that they feel more stressed and anxious during exam time, which often leads them to make bad choices. Under Pressure While students may be kept on their toes by a little bit of stress, employing poor stress management strategies may ultimately hinder their academic objectives. According to a recent survey, 76% of students snack during study time, 61% study while high on caffeine, and 41% work until midnight to cope with exam time pressures. The survey also revealed, however, that some students are finding ways to meet the challenges of studying for test time, such as listening to classical music (20 percent) and even chewing gum (37 percent). Of the students who chew gum while studying for exams, 41 percent do so to combat stress and tension and 23 percent to increase focus and concentration. In fact, studies have shown that the act of chewing gum increases blood flow to the brain by 25 percent and appears to improve people’s ability to retain and retrieve information. “Chewing gum while performing memory tests can increase memory substantially,” says Andrew Scholey, Ph.D., CPsychol, professor, Division of Psychology, and director, Human Cognitive Neuroscience Unit, University of Northumbria, UK. Stressbusters Study experts at The Princeton Review recommend a few simple tips to help parents and students deal with test-time stress. • Exercise: Exercise can be an excellent way to recharge batteries and reduce stress around exam time. • Care packages: Nothing helps students feel less stressed and shows them that their parents are rooting for them like a care package. Include items such as stress toys, a classical music CD and healthy snacks such as nuts, chewing gum or dried fruit. • Create a peaceful and productive environment: A comfortable chair, adequate space for spreading out materials, and adequate lighting and ventilation are all essential components of a productive study area. • Chew gum: The gum experts at Wrigley recommend chewing gum to relieve stress and tension and to help increase focus and concentration during studying and test-taking.

Jack, 60 years old, is a client of mine. Jack had been in a very difficult, codependent marriage with Stella – a marriage where Jack completely gave himself up in his attempts to avoid Stellas anger, threats and blame. In order to break free from this extremely unhappy relationship, Jack sought my assistance and was eventually able to do so. Subsequently, Jack sent me the following email: Hi Margaret, I hope all is going well with you. I noticed a change in my health and thought you might be interested. When I started exercising in the final year of my marriage to Stella, I started feeling pressure in my chest. I saw multiple cardiologists. I felt the first one was an alarmist. He wanted to do an angiogram immediately and he wanted permission to do angioplasty at the same time if necessary. I told him that I would get back to him. I immediately went on a better exercise program and took additional supplements for my heart. Over a period of several months I visited three other cardiologists. A very well respected cardiologist had the great idea of doing another stress test on me. When he finished the stress test he said he did not see any reason to do anything different that what I was doing. The pressure I was feeling was still there at the start of exercise but it would go away as I continued to exercise. On December 31, 2005 I made my last support payment to Stella. Since then, neither at the beginning of my workouts nor at any other time, I have experienced any chest pressure. I actually feel an upward shift in my energy level. I know that stress has a lot to do with health and with the last payment I must have released a lot of stress. I am interested to hear your opinion about this. Stress can be so silent that I do not know if I am always aware of it. I responded to Jack, telling him that recent research indicates that stress may be behind at least 90% of illness. Currently, Jack is in a loving relationship with Andrea, but even that relationship did not stop the stress until his last support payment to Stella. Yet Jack did not realize that the heart pain was related to his stress. Too often, when we have physical problems, we seek a purely physical answer. Yet if stress is the underlying cause of 90% of illness, it is very important to open to learning about the fact that we might be stressed and about what is causing the stress. If Jack had realized that his heart pain was stress-related, he might have been able to go inside and discover what was really causing the stress. On the surface, it appeared to be his fear of Stellas anger and the fact that he still owed her money. But if Jack were to look deeper, he might discover some false beliefs that were actually causing the stress beliefs such as: I am responsible for Stellas unhappy feelings. Through our thoughts, we create our own emotions. As a result, we cannot be held accountable for the emotions of others. I shouldn't have to continue paying Stella money. Jack made choices that led to this outcome. He is accountable for his decisions. The fact that Stella's situation did not work out is entirely my fault. Jack is responsible for his choices, but not for Stellas choices. Thinking something is all our fault is a way of convincing ourselves that we have more control than we actually have over others choices. I will not be able to make enough money to take care of myself. Jack does well financially, but often stresses over money. As long as I owe Stella money, she will be able to control me. Jack frequently gives his power away to others due to his trying to control them through pleasing, and then fears being controlled by them. In order to control Stella's feelings and treatment of me, I must surrender myself to her. Jack caused himself stress by trying to control something that he has no control over. There is a good possibility that if Jack had explored his beliefs and come into truth with himself, his stress would have decreased long ago. Trying to control something over which he had no control was causing Jack a lot of stress. All of us can learn from Jacks experience. We all have the opportunity to continue to monitor our stress and continue to look at the false beliefs and resulting behavior that are the primary underlying causes of stress.

An individual's negative response to excessive pressure or other forms of demand is technically referred to as stress. In the workplace, the negative, damaging, effects of stress can arise at times when pressures are extreme, such as peak busy periods, but equally can be caused by continuous exposure to stressful conditions, such as being in an unsuitable job or being treated unfairly. Negative stress can also be brought on by major life events like a death in the family or the constant pressure of having one's life limited or dominated by one's job. Stress is personal in that stress affects individuals in different ways. When confronted with similar circumstances, some individuals are able to withstand the pressure and even thrive, while others find it challenging to do so and experience negative stress as a result. It is also personal in the sense that the amount of control that the individual has, over their workplace conditions, events, and work-life balance, will influence the amount of negative stress that they suffer from. Those individuals with greater control will tolerate and manage stress levels, or avoid them altogether, more successfully. Work-life balance is, literally, balancing the demands, the amount of time and effort, given to work and the workplace, and that given to the individuals domestic, personal, family, and social life. A vital factor in achieving an appropriate work-life balance is ensuring that the work element does not dominate, and-or that it is not causing damage to the individual through the effects of negative stress. It is most unusual to find people with a work-life balance that is dominated negatively by their life outside the workplace. It is almost always the workplace activity that dominates and often negatively. The beneficial activity of personal development must be actively managed by professionals participating in career and personal development activities to avoid harming the individual's work-life balance and raising stress levels. Approaches like time management, stress management, achieving work-life balance, managing personal development, and related approaches like coaching and mentoring have emerged as a result of the increased awareness of the significance of effective stress management and work-life balance. Individuals can benefit greatly from these approaches' tools and methods for better stress management and work-life balance. All of these are worth exploring in more depth. However, here we will focus on simple, well established actions that any individual can take themselves. There are some well established, simple to implement, approaches that will help to reduce the effects of negative stress and help to maintain an appropriate work-life balance. These include recognizing the signs and symptoms that could indicate that you are experiencing stress. Commonly experienced symptoms are: Poor health – headaches, upset stomach, sleep problems, change in appetite, tense muscles, indigestion, exhaustion, stomach, intestinal and skin problems, and heart attacks (extreme but not uncommon in severe cases); Personal behaviour – constantly worrying, irritated, feeling depressed, unable to cope and make decisions, being less creative, excessive smoking, excessive use of alcohol, not sleeping; Unsatisfactory work situation – low job satisfaction, poor relationships with colleagues, focusing on unproductive tasks, deadlines missed, performance level falling, opportunities missed, poor appraisal outcomes, feeling de-motivated; Personal life:stopping social activities, being irritated and argumentative with family and friends, personal relationships deteriorating. Many of these symptoms can be experienced in normal life, but become symptoms of stress when several are experienced at the same time, or when there is no obvious cause, or when one or more symptom becomes overwhelming. We need to remember, however, that whilst the symptoms often are more visible, and potentially damaging, in the workplace, they are not necessarily caused by workplace pressures. Many are, but not all and not always. Identifying the sources in the workplace: As individuals working in a business world that is continuously changing at an ever-increasing pace, we need to be adaptable and flexible. In order to avoid negative stress we need to be aware of, prepared for, and able to manage, the impact of: time pressures; demanding deadlines; increasing complex relationships with others; peaks and troughs of too much or too little work; multiple, overlapping business or work changes; threats of redundancy or unwanted job change; pressure from senior managers; unfair or discriminatory actions of management; travel pressures; increases in performance expectations; more visible scrutiny through technology and surveillance; requirements to undertake continuous personal professional development activities. Identifying the sources outside of work: Outside of the workplace, there are events and pressures that happen frequently and are a normal part of our lives. These events and pressures can be a source of stress, satisfaction, or both. Moving house, taking on large financial commitments like a mortgage, holiday periods where personal relationships are refreshed and renewed, or put under intense pressure, giving up a habit like smoking, the birth of a child, getting married, and so on are some examples. Other examples include the death of a friend or family member, a breakdown in a relationship that leads to separation or divorce, personal or family member injury, and so on. Knowing what your natural response will be: Individuals adapt and adjust to external pressures in different ways, depending on their personality type. The range of types is very wide, but two broad bands of personality type have been identified. People of Type A are characterized as competitive, aggressive, or hasty, whereas people of Type B are described as passive, non-competitive, and slow to react. Type “A” people tend to pass on stress to others, Type “B” tend to internalise the effects of stress. Whilst these are established, proven categories that most people fall into, other factors, such as age, gender, health, financial situation and access to support will strongly influence the response to causes of stress, regardless of personality traits. Knowing your personality type can be helpful, but can only play a small part in managing stress successfully. Identifying strategies and actions that will help you to cope: As we have seen, individuals react differently to stress, so each of us will need to adopt different coping strategies. Be aware of your own weaknesses and strengths; comprehend and accept that some things cannot be avoided or changed; take action to reduce or remove the pressure; break problems down into smaller parts and set goals to tackle each part in order; implement personal time management techniques; replace negative relationships with positive, supportive relationships; adopt a healthy lifestyle; develop outside work interests, such as hobby, educational, social, or sporting activity; engage in positive professional career development activity; seek advice and support from others, including professionals if necessary; accept that managing stress and achieving work Mechanisms for corporate support Some businesses have realized that corporate action is needed to help with issues like stress and work-life balance. Individuals in these organisations should, where appropriate, take advantage of support mechanisms such as: Flexible working hours: allowing employees to organise working hours to accommodate important aspects of their home lives; Self managed teams:where teams work out their own hours, responding to each others needs; Using a buddy system:pairing with a colleague to provide cover for each other, enabling each to take time off when necessary, knowing that their buddy will take over their duties and responsibilities; Flexible locations:working from different locations, or from home, either regularly or occasionally, to help with family responsibilities and reduce or eliminate commuting time; Special leave availability: such as paid or unpaid leave, to give time to cope with personal crises and emergencies, without using formal holiday allowance; Career breaks:for study or research sabbaticals, travel, family commitments, or voluntary work; Health programmes – offer counselling and advice, for a range of issues; Private health insurance; Fitness programmes and gymnasium membership subsidies; Childcare/eldercare facilities or subsidies:workplace nursery or subsidised places in local nurseries or nursing homes. All of these are highly valuable support opportunities, which, if available, should be taken when needed. For most managers and specialists, in all sectors of business today it is an essential requirement, that professionals undertake courses in management development, or in specialist disciplines such as quality management, project management, accountancy, human resources, or marketing. The objective of this activity, from the individuals point of view, is usually to obtain higher financial rewards, higher status, increased job security, and-or to increased opportunities and career choice. From the organisations point of view it is rightly aimed at improving the knowledge, understanding, skills, and ultimately the performance of the individual and the workforce collectively. The impact on the individual, regardless of these contrasting objectives, is that work-life balance is affected, pressure will rise and will need to be managed to avoid this resulting in negative stress. For any individual undertaking professional development activity, especially those studying at home, in part or in full, it is essential that this is recognised as a potential source of negative stress, and that the individual builds the monitoring and control of this pressure into their development plans. In order to manage stress and to achieve a satisfactory work-life balance, it is necessary to avoid the most common pitfalls that professionals encounter. These include: Believing that suffering from stress is a weakness, it is not, but positive, corrective action is needed to redress the situation. When simple, easy-to-implement solutions are at your disposal, allowing yourself to suffer from stress and an out-of-balance work-life balance is a weakness. Keeping stress to yourself is not the best approach. All the evidence shows that seeking advice and support is the key to reducing and eliminating negative stress and restoring an appropriate work-life balance; Assuming that others are to blame for your stress and the imbalance between your work and your outside work life, they may be the causes, but you are responsible for allowing the negative situation to continue; Cutting back or eliminating social, sporting, or personal interests activity is the answer to restoring a work-life balance, it is not, because these are essential positive elements necessary to achieve a healthy work-life balance and a relatively stress free life; Ignoring the warning signs, these are easy to identify, if not by you then others will see them; Not identifying the sources of stress and reasons for imbalance, a simple analysis of your situation, perhaps with some help from a professional advisor, colleague, partner, or friend, will identify the main causes of your problems; Not looking after yourself in terms of health and happiness, if you are unhealthy, unfit, or in an unhappy relationship, or not in any relationship and are lonely and isolated, you will find it difficult to manage stress and your work-life balance effectively; Believing that there is a single solution to your negative stress and work-life imbalance problems, there is not. You need to take a holistic approach to managing your life, at work, at home, and socially. This encompasses your work, your aspirations, your personal development, your fitness, your lifestyle, your health, your relationships, your general attitude to life, everything that makes you an individual, a unique person. This has been a first look at the links between workplace stress and work-life balance, and has been specifically aimed at those professionals who are adding to the pressures of workplace and home life by taking on professional development activities. Continuous personal professional development, for managers, professionals, and specialists, in all sectors is essential. Even entrepreneurs and those leaving organisations to be self-employed risk being overwhelmed by workload and pressures from work-related activities. The solution to avoiding the negative effects of stress, and maintaining an appropriate work-life balance, when taking on additional personal development workload, are the same for those in organisations. You will need to be aware of the dangers, be alert to the symptoms, put in place defensive mechanisms, and then pro-actively manage your work life and personal life in a way that protects you from the dangers of negative stress and enables you to maintain a healthy and satisfying work-life balance.

What is Stress? Stress may be defined as the three-way relationship between demands on people, our feelings about those demands and our ability to cope with them. Situations that are more likely to cause stress include: 1. The demand is great. 2. We have very little control over things. 3. There is limited support or help available for us. Who is Affected Most by Stress? We all encounter stressful situations or events that overwhelm our natural coping mechanisms. And although some people are biologically prone to stress, many outside factors influence susceptibility as well. Studies indicate that some people are more vulnerable to the effects of stress than others. Older adults; women in general, especially working mothers and pregnant women; less-educated people; divorced or widowed people; people experiencing financial strains such as long-term unemployment; people who are the targets of discrimination; uninsured and underinsured people; and people who simply live in cities all seem to be particularly susceptible to health-related stress problems. People who are less emotionally stable or have high anxiety levels tend to experience certain events as more stressful than healthy people do. Additionally, we are more likely to develop stress-related health issues like infections and heart disease if we do not have a well-established network of family and friends. Stress-related disorders are also frequently found to be more common in caregivers, children, and medical professionals. Job-related stress is particularly likely to be chronic because it is such a large part of life. Stress reduces a worker’s effectiveness by impairing concentration, causing sleeplessness and increasing the risk of illness, back problems, accidents and lost time. At its worst extremes, stress that places a burden on our hearts and circulation can often be fatal. The Japanese have a word for sudden death due to overwork: karoushi. Medical Affects of Chronic Stress The body's stress response is analogous to an airplane getting ready to take off. Virtually all systems, such as the heart and blood vessels, the immune system, the lungs, the digestive system, the sensory organs, and the brain are modified to meet the perceived danger. A stress-filled life really seems to raise the odds of heart disease and stroke down the road. After middle age, chronic stressors have a slightly higher lifetime risk of either fatal or non-fatal heart disease or stroke, according to research. It is now believed that constant stress takes its toll on our arteries, causing chronically high levels of stress hormones and pushing people to maintain unhealthy habits like smoking. Stressed-out men are twice as likely as their peers to die of a stroke. There are weaker such findings among women, which is likely due to the fairly low number of heart disease and stroke cases among women, rather than a resistance to the health effects of chronic stress. Women appear to be slightly more susceptible to stress effects than men. Simply put, too much stress puts you at dire risk for health problems. Whether it comes from one event or the buildup of many small events, stress causes major physical alterations that often lead to health problems. Here is a list of some of these changes: In order to transport blood to our muscles and brains, our heart rates rise. Our blood pressure increases. Our breathing rates increase. Our digestion slows down. Our perspiration increases. At first, we feel strong, but over time, stress makes us feel weaker. These reactions helped our ancestors survive threats by preparing for either “fight or flight.” Today, our bodies still react the same way, but the events that cause stress do not require this ancient mechanism. Stress can also greatly raise our risk of: digestive issues and ulcers Headaches Migraine headaches Backaches Depression Suicide High blood pressure Stroke Heart attack Alcohol and drug dependencies maladies of the skin and allergies Cancer Asthma Depressed immune system More colds and infections We need to learn ways to deal with stress because it can clearly cause a lot of serious health issues if it lasts for a long time or occurs frequently.